flaws

Ahhh...finally a day with no responsibilities other than the ones to my kids. It's a nice feeling. I'm hoping to spend most of my free time today working on the novel for NaNoWriMo. I've had a couple of fairly productive days. This project is really great. I've had this idea brewing for a while but never wrote it because it was a different style from what I usually write, and I wasn't sure if it would work. This forces me to just write and not second guess myself. I am finding that I do that a lot when I write. I'm always worried about who will read it. I should really just write it and let whoever wants to read it, read it.
The story is really coming along well. I know it's not all great, but parts of it are, and I'm excited that even if I don't finish it by the end of November, I will have a novel that I can revise and try to market. It's kind of exciting to let myself write something without worrying about it. It's freeing.
Self-censorship is one of my biggest flaws. I'm always so worried about what people will think that I barely talk. I'm trying to be more outgoing, but it is difficult. When I do talk to people, I agonize about every word I said and what they might have thought, and I'm very negative about it. It's kind of ridiculous when I step back and look at it from a more rational state of mind.
You can't be afraid of what other people think when you're in theatre or writing. You're putting yourself out there every time you put on a show or give someone something you wrote. It's been good for me. Pride was a big thing when I was growing up, but I think it was taken too far. I was a huge jerk when I was younger and got knocked down pretty far. I still have my moment of ridiculous pride, but I'm learning balance. That's my constant project, finding the balance.