Meeting #2

We had our second meeting at the Flynnspace yesterday, and not much happened. People didn't show up, and Rob, Andy, and I were left without a lot to do. Andy wrote a thumping techno song to underscore one of the commercials, but very little else was accomplished. However, I am not daunted.
I think that a day of wasted time and little productivity did a lot to spark our creativity. Andy wrote the music and some lyrics to the ballad last night, and it is amazing. Rob is working on lyrics and coming up with some great stuff, and I even tried my hand at songwriting and have come up with something that I think works pretty well.
I got the mockups for our posters today, and they are phenomenal. Chuck Harrison does our art work, and he is a genius. The funny thing is, we had been talking about a WWII style poster, but I forgot to mention it to Chuck. Somehow, based on my script, he had the same idea. It was awesome. That's how this whole experience has been so far. Everyone involved is on the same page, which is great because it keeps the show cohesive. It makes me feel great about my writing ability and this project.
SuperGym is exactly what I needed creatively. Everything I do in theatre right now is either community theater or school theatre. I love it, but sometimes I need to let out my real personality and sense of humor. This is the perfect project to do so. It makes me really happy to have so many positive responses to my work, and the guys have really helped improve upon it. It's a great experience, and I am so excited to see how far we can take this.

Fat Camp - First meeting, names, auditions, excitement!

We had our first meeting for Fat Camp on Sunday. It was great and very productive. We chose the pieces we will work on during our time at the Flynnspace, and it is going to be great. It is all the best parts of the show, and I cannot wait to see it staged! We also secured another actor for one of the major roles - the one we were most concerned about. Thor is the head trainer of the Supergym and needs to be buff and able to sing. We were all stumped as to where to find such a person until my husband (and composer) suggested an old friend from college. It was unanimous, and Rob (our lyricist) contacted him immediately. He accepted.

Some research on Google revealed that there are at least 2 musicals named Fat Camp, and one has gotten some recognition in NYC. We decided there has to be a name change. This bothered me at first. I loved the name and the misdirection it caused, and I struggled to find the right replacement. Once again my brilliant husband had the answer. Supergym. It's perfect. It is the constant throughout the show. It does not hide the true story of the show, and it will attract our target audience. Plus, all the artwork, Tshirts, posters, etc can be a lot of fun. It's growing on me, and I am beginning to think it is a lot better than the original. It's not a definite change, though we all agree that it would work well. For now I will refer to it as Fat Camp/ Supergym because I don't know if I should change it during this grant project. Of course it is all about the process...

We are ready and excited to start working. Our first writing meeting is next weekend, and I cannot wait to see what happens. This is the beginning of something great and the biggest project I have ever worked on. We are taking this show as far as it will go, and I am already considering entering it in festivals for new musicals. Of course, we should probably finish it first. One step at a time...

Fat Camp is in motion!

I just found out this morning that we got our grant. We will have access to studios in the Flynn and get a work in progress showing. I am excited, but also apprehensive. It is a massive challenge to add to my already stuffed schedule, but I know I can make it work. The idea of a group of people working on and improving a project of mine is so exciting, and this will get Fat Camp in motion. It's been slow going with the music lately. People have things come up, and a creative project is usually the first thing to go. I'm excited to have new life breathed into this show.
The showing at the end of the semester is exciting and makes me nervous. We are doing this now, and we have to have something to show for it. I know I can do it if I can get others to help. This is what I fear about collaboration. But, I think it will work out. I think this show will be great, and we will make some good progress during this 10 week period. I can't wait to see what happens...

Fat Camp: Grants, Songwriting, and Plans

Fat Camp Update:
I just sent in an application for a grant to use space at the Flynn in Burlington to develop Fat Camp. This would be great because we would have a much larger pool of young, talented actors, which is what this show really needs. It would also give us a set period of time to create songs before a work-in-progress showing at the Flynn. Great way to get the word out! Let's hope we get the grant. We should know the week of Sept. 13th. Fingers crossed.
Andy and Rob have started writing the songs, and they are coming up with some great stuff. This show is going to be hilarious. I may do a little lyric writing, but I'm going to leave most of it to the guys. They've got great ideas. Writing the grant application made me really start to think and plan for what we need to do next. Until now, I've always planned to write it. Now, that it is coming into being, it's time to think about what we do next. How do we find actors willing to dedicate the time needed? What do we need for filming? How do we get what we need? How do we market the show online to attract attention even before we upload it? I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I like to have the path laid out in front of me. I like to know where I'm going next.
I am so excited to get some music under the lyrics I've been given. The show is growing in ways I never imagined, and I am loving the process as much as the product!

This Is Fat Camp (The Musical)

I've been working on an idea for a play for the last decade, but until recently I didn't know how to go about writing it. Like many women, I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and have had a long battle with bulimia. Though I stopped being a bulimic years ago, I still struggle daily with the desire to overeat and the more than occasional binge episode. For a long time after I stopped purging I still binged, and it sent my weight skyrocketing. When my daughter was born, I decided I wanted to change. I wanted to set a good example for her in hopes that it would help her make better choices than I had. I started eating vegetables, which is something I had refused to do for the first 25 years of my life. I started exercising. It was going well for a little while.
When I was pregnant with my son, I reached 250 lbs. After he was born, I still tipped the scales at 230 lbs and decided enough was enough. I started eating better, I learned everything I could about living healthfully, and I started running. So far, I've lost 65 lbs, run a 5k and a 10k, and have taken up Zumba.
So, what does all of this have to do with the play I haven't been able to write for ten years? I wanted to write about the struggle I've been through. I know I'm not alone. A lot of people struggle with their weight, and if I could find the right way of expressing it, I know I would have a receptive audience. The problem I've had with writing the play so far, is that I am too close to the subject and take it too seriously. I could never finish a script.
Feeling better and more confident has made it easier for me to take a step back and look at my choices and actions with a more detached frame of mind. I could see the humor in it and the ridiculousness of what people go through to attain some vague idea of perfection. Suddenly, I knew it had to be a comedy.
That freed me to start thinking about the show in a new way. I had been watching a lot of musicals and started having song ideas that would fit into a musical about the crazy diet industry and the overwhelming presence of fatty, processed foods. So, Fat Camp: The Musical was born. After months of notes, I finally attempted to write the script. It was difficult, and I was only partially satisfied with the result. I left it alone. I knew there were some good ideas in there, but I had other projects that I wanted to work on.
I signed up for Scriptfrenzy, which is a program where you write a 100 page script during the month of April. I didn't have any other play ideas at the time, and I decided to write a new version of Fat Camp. I started from scratch and wrote without editing myself. I have a habit of editing as I go and end up with a bland, boring script. This time I wrote without limitations, and I loved the result. I knew when it was done that I had something good. I am not usually confident in anything, and it is rare that I feel this positive about a project so early in the process.
I passed it on to my husband, Andy, who is someone I trust to be brutally honest with me. He laughed out loud while he read it, and I was even more reassured that my initial feelings were correct. We had some great discussions about the script, and I did some revising. I sent it to our friend, Rob, who is a great writer, and asked him to help write the lyrics for the songs. I am not a song writer, so I made notes and wrote down my ideas but didn't write anything that had to stay. I am leaving the songs to Andy and Rob.
That's where we are right now. The guys are starting to work on the songs, and I am polishing the script. This blog is going to chronicle our process as we create this crazy show. I love this show enough to try to take it as far as I can. Our initial plan is to film it and put it on the Internet. Once we have an internet following, we hope it will be easy to find a place to stage it. After that, who knows? I'm not ruling out Broadway. That's the distant goal. I know it's a crazy one, but I don't think it's impossible. Until I know it is, I'm not giving up.
So, this is how it begins. Fat Camp is in existence, and now I need to start looking into grants, locations, and actors. I'm so excited to work on this show, and I know when it finally gets out into the public, they are going to love it.

In Between

The time between projects is rough. No project is ever complete, but there comes a time when I need to take a break and feel that I have revised as much as is possible. When that happens, I scramble for my next idea, the next world that I am going to dive into and live in for the foreseeable future. The trouble comes when I have nothing new to work on.
I have tons of notebooks filled with outlines, notes, and half written plays and stories. I could start working on any of these, but I am always searching for something new. My irrational thinking is that if I have abandoned them once, I can't go back.
I do sometimes revisit an idea, and it works for me. That doesn't happen often. Right now, I am between ideas, and I spent a large portion of yesterday staring blankly at my notebooks. I hate this listless feeling. I need to be creating to feel good. I need to have time to immerse myself in another world and escape briefly the constant needs of others and numerous commitments that fill my life. When I don't have a place to escape, I get depressed.
I try to be rational. I know this phase. I've been here before, and I know it will pass. Still, I am haunted by the thought of never again having an idea worth writing about.
It will pass. I have chosen this path and must endure the self doubt, the uncertainty, the time in between.

Rejection

Trying to be a writer is hard. I've had to learn to accept rejection, and that is a struggle. As rejection after rejection come back, I've had to take a good look at myself. Am I willing to endure this in hopes of having success later on? Yes. I've found that I am. I've had to stop taking criticism too personally and accept that my writing needs more work. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and make my future writing better.
The thing is, I don't know what I would do instead. Nothing else satisfies me the way writing does. I am a solitary creature, and I like creating my own worlds. The people in my stories are dear friends and much easier to understand than real people. I like people. I just don't understand them, and my perception of them is skewed.
My biggest fear is failure, but I've changed my approach. I view things as challenges, not as insurmountable obstacles. I'm defining what success is and setting numerous smaller goals. I know with a step by step approach, I will complete many of my goals. My new mantra is "positive thinking, hard work, determination". With these three things, I feel like I can achieve any goal.
I'm glad for the rejections I've received. They've changed me and my perspective. I'm growing. I know some day the rejections will turn into successes, and I will be a better and more deserving person by then. Change is terrifying, but change is good.

Another Step Closer

Today, I finally had an agent request the first fifty pages of my novel, and though I know it is far from a sure thing, I am excited beyond belief. I can't help but get my hopes up. Yesterday, I had a couple small successes, and it was also the day I queried this agent. I kind of hope that yesterday's good karma is still working for me. I feel like I've been too lucky already and this won't happen. Of course part of me is also dreaming of a future as a successful writer. 
No matter what happens, I feel like this is a step closer to my goal. It's a new experience, and I'm sure I will learn something from it. Of course, there is the slightest chance that I will get an agent and sell my book.
I'm so excited I'm shaking. This is something I do not usually allow myself to feel. I always feel like it won't happen if I get excited or hope for it. There is no way for me to avoid the excitement this time. After so many rejection letters, most of them an impersonal form letter, to have someone write me a personal and positive letter and ask to see more makes me happy beyond words.

Small Successes

I found out this morning that one of my short stories is going to be published in The Route Seven Literary Magazine. I'm really excited. This is my second publication and my first in short fiction. For me, every little step is a success, a step closer to my goal of being able to make some kind of living as a writer. It's also becoming a very illuminating experience.
I've been a very reserved person for most of my life. At some point, I became afraid to show anyone my true personality. Writing is breaking down the walls I built years ago. I'm beginning to understand that to write something really good, you need to put yourself into the story and not hold anything back. When I started writing I was always thinking about what people would think about the story, and I censored myself. There are two things that helped me break through this wall. One is my favorite author Ernest Hemingway. His book, A Movable Feast has always been an inspiration, and I feel like I am beginning to understand what he meant by writing truly. At first I thought I could never really do it, but the beauty of fiction is that you can slip in small parts of yourself and no one will know it's you. It makes the characters more honest and the story more believable.
My second breakthrough came from the NaNoWriMo experience. For anyone unfamiliar with this, NaNoWriMo takes place in the month of November and for the whole month you work on writing a 50,000 word novel. If you complete it by the end of the month, you win. It was an intense experience, but it forced me to just write and not second guess or judge. That should be saved for revision. It brought out a story that I had been thinking about for a while but was too afraid to write. I completed my NaNoWriMo novel in two and a half weeks, and I love it. It needs major revisions, but it is a good story and the characters are strong and probably more real and honest than any I've created before. It was a very freeing experience.
More and more I am finding that the pursuit of dreams is important to a happy life. Writing makes me happy, and small successes like my newest one, keep me feeling good and motivated to do more. The best life you can lead is the one that fulfills you and makes you truly happy. There is nothing better.