Today, I finally had an agent request the first fifty pages of my novel, and though I know it is far from a sure thing, I am excited beyond belief. I can't help but get my hopes up. Yesterday, I had a couple small successes, and it was also the day I queried this agent. I kind of hope that yesterday's good karma is still working for me. I feel like I've been too lucky already and this won't happen. Of course part of me is also dreaming of a future as a successful writer.
No matter what happens, I feel like this is a step closer to my goal. It's a new experience, and I'm sure I will learn something from it. Of course, there is the slightest chance that I will get an agent and sell my book.
I'm so excited I'm shaking. This is something I do not usually allow myself to feel. I always feel like it won't happen if I get excited or hope for it. There is no way for me to avoid the excitement this time. After so many rejection letters, most of them an impersonal form letter, to have someone write me a personal and positive letter and ask to see more makes me happy beyond words.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Small Successes
I found out this morning that one of my short stories is going to be published in The Route Seven Literary Magazine. I'm really excited. This is my second publication and my first in short fiction. For me, every little step is a success, a step closer to my goal of being able to make some kind of living as a writer. It's also becoming a very illuminating experience.
I've been a very reserved person for most of my life. At some point, I became afraid to show anyone my true personality. Writing is breaking down the walls I built years ago. I'm beginning to understand that to write something really good, you need to put yourself into the story and not hold anything back. When I started writing I was always thinking about what people would think about the story, and I censored myself. There are two things that helped me break through this wall. One is my favorite author Ernest Hemingway. His book, A Movable Feast has always been an inspiration, and I feel like I am beginning to understand what he meant by writing truly. At first I thought I could never really do it, but the beauty of fiction is that you can slip in small parts of yourself and no one will know it's you. It makes the characters more honest and the story more believable.
My second breakthrough came from the NaNoWriMo experience. For anyone unfamiliar with this, NaNoWriMo takes place in the month of November and for the whole month you work on writing a 50,000 word novel. If you complete it by the end of the month, you win. It was an intense experience, but it forced me to just write and not second guess or judge. That should be saved for revision. It brought out a story that I had been thinking about for a while but was too afraid to write. I completed my NaNoWriMo novel in two and a half weeks, and I love it. It needs major revisions, but it is a good story and the characters are strong and probably more real and honest than any I've created before. It was a very freeing experience.
More and more I am finding that the pursuit of dreams is important to a happy life. Writing makes me happy, and small successes like my newest one, keep me feeling good and motivated to do more. The best life you can lead is the one that fulfills you and makes you truly happy. There is nothing better.
I've been a very reserved person for most of my life. At some point, I became afraid to show anyone my true personality. Writing is breaking down the walls I built years ago. I'm beginning to understand that to write something really good, you need to put yourself into the story and not hold anything back. When I started writing I was always thinking about what people would think about the story, and I censored myself. There are two things that helped me break through this wall. One is my favorite author Ernest Hemingway. His book, A Movable Feast has always been an inspiration, and I feel like I am beginning to understand what he meant by writing truly. At first I thought I could never really do it, but the beauty of fiction is that you can slip in small parts of yourself and no one will know it's you. It makes the characters more honest and the story more believable.
My second breakthrough came from the NaNoWriMo experience. For anyone unfamiliar with this, NaNoWriMo takes place in the month of November and for the whole month you work on writing a 50,000 word novel. If you complete it by the end of the month, you win. It was an intense experience, but it forced me to just write and not second guess or judge. That should be saved for revision. It brought out a story that I had been thinking about for a while but was too afraid to write. I completed my NaNoWriMo novel in two and a half weeks, and I love it. It needs major revisions, but it is a good story and the characters are strong and probably more real and honest than any I've created before. It was a very freeing experience.
More and more I am finding that the pursuit of dreams is important to a happy life. Writing makes me happy, and small successes like my newest one, keep me feeling good and motivated to do more. The best life you can lead is the one that fulfills you and makes you truly happy. There is nothing better.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Let The Universe Decide
I have been trying to be more relaxed in my day to day life. With two kids, two part time jobs, and a need to write, this can be difficult. I'm putting my trust in the universe. When I let things go and don't stress, I find that I get what I need and the rest is inconsequential. Yesterday is a perfect example.
I had a bad morning yesterday. It wasn't anything big or catastrophic, those are the things I handle best, but it was all little irritations and inconveniences. It all culminated with a trip to the grocery store in the pouring rain to buy cat litter. The kids were pretty good in the store, though we did almost get smashed into by someone pushing a cart full of bread way too fast around a corner. I got to the express checkout, and the old woman ahead of me had the belt piled high with groceries, and for each she had a specific bagging request. I normally don't mind these kinds of things. When I'm by myself I can wait for hours if necessary. I like people watching and the grocery store is great for that.
With kids it's a different story. My son started climbing out of the cart while his sister yelled at him and tried to pull him back in. This is not normal cart. It's a cart shaped like a car, which puts the kids in front of me and my huge bag of litter and out of reach in the narrow checkout aisle. My son started crying.
I've been in this position before, and usually the person in front of me will take notice and hurry along if possible. This woman looked at the kids, handed over a $100 bill and began to count out exact change in pennies. The cashier was looking stressed by this time, and I was about ready to explode. She slowly shuffled away while I paid for my litter. We caught up with her in the exit to the store. She was stopped, her cart blocking the entire exit, examining the advertisements in the narrow hall. She saw us standing behind her and continued reading.
When we finally got out of there, I jogged past her into the downpour and loaded my kids quickly back into their car seats. I say quickly, but it still took quite a while, and I was soaked by the time I got into the car. Two spaces over from me, parked almost diagonally across the handicapped parking space was a huge silver SUV, and the old woman was climbing behind the wheel. My irritation and stress vanished at that moment, and I laughed. It seemed like a sketch comedy act.
That is when the universe intervened. As I drove home, I was thinking about a new story I want to write. I've basically worked out the major plot points and characters, and I was ready to start writing. This is where I ran into trouble because I didn't know how to start it. I always struggle with starting a story. Once I have that first line or paragraph I'm fine, but until then it bothers me day and night, and I get very stressed about it. I started thinking about the old woman and how I should write that moment down, and that's when I found the perfect start to my new story.
It made my whole morning make more sense. I often wonder why things happen the way that they do, especially at times when everything is going wrong and life is irritating. This was my answer for yesterday morning. I had to experience the irritation and the anger to have that moment and find the beginning of my story.
I had a bad morning yesterday. It wasn't anything big or catastrophic, those are the things I handle best, but it was all little irritations and inconveniences. It all culminated with a trip to the grocery store in the pouring rain to buy cat litter. The kids were pretty good in the store, though we did almost get smashed into by someone pushing a cart full of bread way too fast around a corner. I got to the express checkout, and the old woman ahead of me had the belt piled high with groceries, and for each she had a specific bagging request. I normally don't mind these kinds of things. When I'm by myself I can wait for hours if necessary. I like people watching and the grocery store is great for that.
With kids it's a different story. My son started climbing out of the cart while his sister yelled at him and tried to pull him back in. This is not normal cart. It's a cart shaped like a car, which puts the kids in front of me and my huge bag of litter and out of reach in the narrow checkout aisle. My son started crying.
I've been in this position before, and usually the person in front of me will take notice and hurry along if possible. This woman looked at the kids, handed over a $100 bill and began to count out exact change in pennies. The cashier was looking stressed by this time, and I was about ready to explode. She slowly shuffled away while I paid for my litter. We caught up with her in the exit to the store. She was stopped, her cart blocking the entire exit, examining the advertisements in the narrow hall. She saw us standing behind her and continued reading.
When we finally got out of there, I jogged past her into the downpour and loaded my kids quickly back into their car seats. I say quickly, but it still took quite a while, and I was soaked by the time I got into the car. Two spaces over from me, parked almost diagonally across the handicapped parking space was a huge silver SUV, and the old woman was climbing behind the wheel. My irritation and stress vanished at that moment, and I laughed. It seemed like a sketch comedy act.
That is when the universe intervened. As I drove home, I was thinking about a new story I want to write. I've basically worked out the major plot points and characters, and I was ready to start writing. This is where I ran into trouble because I didn't know how to start it. I always struggle with starting a story. Once I have that first line or paragraph I'm fine, but until then it bothers me day and night, and I get very stressed about it. I started thinking about the old woman and how I should write that moment down, and that's when I found the perfect start to my new story.
It made my whole morning make more sense. I often wonder why things happen the way that they do, especially at times when everything is going wrong and life is irritating. This was my answer for yesterday morning. I had to experience the irritation and the anger to have that moment and find the beginning of my story.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Holiday Ramble
Thanksgiving is a holiday that I am conflicted about. I love the idea of taking time out of our busy schedules to think about what we have in our lives that we can truly be thankful for. I think people should do this more often - myself included. I am a lucky woman to have the life that I do, and I try to appreciate it whenever I am feeling down or stressed or irritated. It doesn't always work, but it does put things into perspective.
I like the big meal with family, too, but this is what I am conflicted about. I love seeing my family. This year my great grandfather had dinner with us - 5 generations in one room. It was spectacular. He's going to be 97 in December, and every chance he has to see my kids is special for everyone. The part about the meal that I feel conflicted about is the permission to gorge that we grant ourselves. Struggling constantly with my own food issues and weight battle has made me very conscious of the growing problem of obesity in America - alongside the hordes of people who are starving. As we enter into the Christmas season, we should think about giving back, sharing our food and our love. Being with loved ones should be enough. We shouldn't have to binge drink and eat to enjoy ourselves, and we should think about the people who don't have enough. There are more and more of them. This is what I am going to try to do.
My husband and I are starting a month of healthy living. We're going to eat right, exercise, try to be more positive in our thoughts and actions, and abstain from our vices. It seems like the most difficult time to do it with all of the holiday goodies that will soon abound. I think it will improve us physically and emotionally. Hopefully, our good vibes will spread to everyone around us, and make the holiday season that much brighter.
I like the big meal with family, too, but this is what I am conflicted about. I love seeing my family. This year my great grandfather had dinner with us - 5 generations in one room. It was spectacular. He's going to be 97 in December, and every chance he has to see my kids is special for everyone. The part about the meal that I feel conflicted about is the permission to gorge that we grant ourselves. Struggling constantly with my own food issues and weight battle has made me very conscious of the growing problem of obesity in America - alongside the hordes of people who are starving. As we enter into the Christmas season, we should think about giving back, sharing our food and our love. Being with loved ones should be enough. We shouldn't have to binge drink and eat to enjoy ourselves, and we should think about the people who don't have enough. There are more and more of them. This is what I am going to try to do.
My husband and I are starting a month of healthy living. We're going to eat right, exercise, try to be more positive in our thoughts and actions, and abstain from our vices. It seems like the most difficult time to do it with all of the holiday goodies that will soon abound. I think it will improve us physically and emotionally. Hopefully, our good vibes will spread to everyone around us, and make the holiday season that much brighter.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
It's official
I uploaded my manuscript to the NaNoWriMo site today, and I am officially a winner. It was an amazing experience, and I am already thinking about the script frenzy competition they hold in April. It was so fun and a definite learning experience. Loved it and I'm pretty proud of myself. :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Emptiness
Ernest Hemingway wrote about the emptiness that comes when a project is finished, and I have been experiencing that for the last couple days. The NaNoWriMo novel was an amazing experience, but it put me in such a frenzy that now that it's done, I can't look at it. I don't want to read it right now. I'm hoping I will eventually. When I finished I felt completely spent creatively. That's the emptiness. The feeling of having nothing left to say, and the fear that nothing else will ever come, that you will stay forever empty.
In some ways I'm not a very rational person, and I do not handle this fear very well. My dream is to be a writer, and the idea of having nothing left to put down on paper is absolutely terrifying. Luckily, it didn't last long this time. I'm working on a short story idea. I also have two books that need more revising, but it is hard to stay focused on revising. I need to be constantly creating.
When I'm not creating, I read. I used to read constantly, but two young children have made it difficult. I've also found that reading while I am writing something tends to distract me and taint my writing with whatever style I happen to be reading at the time. The only book I can read when I am writing is Hemingway's A Movable Feast. That book changed my life. It's what inspired me to start writing again, and gave me insight into the creation of a story.
I wonder if the emptiness is what made him shoot himself. It seems plausible. To spend your entire life writing and find that there just isn't anything left. It must happen eventually. Of course, I think great writers are all pretty messed up, lots of drinking and drugs. I try not to be afraid of the emptiness. I have theatre to help fill me up and my family to support me. So far, I am having luck with my writing. I'm satisfied with that.
In some ways I'm not a very rational person, and I do not handle this fear very well. My dream is to be a writer, and the idea of having nothing left to put down on paper is absolutely terrifying. Luckily, it didn't last long this time. I'm working on a short story idea. I also have two books that need more revising, but it is hard to stay focused on revising. I need to be constantly creating.
When I'm not creating, I read. I used to read constantly, but two young children have made it difficult. I've also found that reading while I am writing something tends to distract me and taint my writing with whatever style I happen to be reading at the time. The only book I can read when I am writing is Hemingway's A Movable Feast. That book changed my life. It's what inspired me to start writing again, and gave me insight into the creation of a story.
I wonder if the emptiness is what made him shoot himself. It seems plausible. To spend your entire life writing and find that there just isn't anything left. It must happen eventually. Of course, I think great writers are all pretty messed up, lots of drinking and drugs. I try not to be afraid of the emptiness. I have theatre to help fill me up and my family to support me. So far, I am having luck with my writing. I'm satisfied with that.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Fulfillment
For the last two nights my students have been performing The Wizard of Oz, and they were fabulous. It makes me think about how amazing it is to have a job that is completely fulfilling. Seeing how much the kids loved being in the show and just the amazing energy of the performance nights, make me realize how much I love my job. Middle school is no picnic, and it hasn't always been easy, but it's always worth it.
I finished my novel for NaNoWriMo, and I'm pretty proud of myself. It's a freeing experience to just write without judging yourself, and I got a story written that I've been working on in my head for over a year. I'm going to do another revision on my other book and possibly start querying a couple agents. I can't ever stop working, and I am determined to get at least one of my books published.
I guess I'm just feeling really fulfilled creatively and happy with my life in general. Life is good, and I'm excited for the next projects. I'm extremely lucky to have everything I have, and sometimes it's good to just acknowledge it.
I finished my novel for NaNoWriMo, and I'm pretty proud of myself. It's a freeing experience to just write without judging yourself, and I got a story written that I've been working on in my head for over a year. I'm going to do another revision on my other book and possibly start querying a couple agents. I can't ever stop working, and I am determined to get at least one of my books published.
I guess I'm just feeling really fulfilled creatively and happy with my life in general. Life is good, and I'm excited for the next projects. I'm extremely lucky to have everything I have, and sometimes it's good to just acknowledge it.
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